Ideology 2

People like themselves. Even if they don't accept themselves or have any confidence in their abilities, people just plain like themselves. Or at least, deep down, they believe that they have something to offer. Otherwise, people with low self-esteem would spend a lot less time talking about themselves in order to impress or gain acceptance. However, not only those with low levels of self-esteem seek after the attention or acceptance of others. According to Abraham Maslow, each individual has certain needs, which he organizes into an order, or hierarchy. After the first two layers of human need, physiological and safety needs, are fulfilled, the next layers of need sought after are social and esteem needs. Social needs include needs for belonging and acceptance. Esteem needs consider our level of importance. Maslow concluded that there are two necessary forms of esteem: esteem from others and esteem from ourselves.

Is it a paradox that those with a lower level of self esteem are the ones who can be the loudest about their achievements? Perhaps not. When a person's achievements do not satisfy their need for self-importance, he/she may look to fill that hole with esteem from others. In this case, when internal motivators fall short, external motivators may be focused on too heavily.

So, this all makes sense to me. However, what does not make sense is the behavior which stems from the need. If the principle that people like to talk about themselves holds true, it would follow that the more you talk about yourself, the less likely it is that people are going to like to talk to you. Of course, if it seems not-well-thought-out, that's probably because it's not. In a sort of subconscious panic to gain attention and acceptance, people try the most proactive way they can in order to put themselves out there: talk themselves up (or sometimes even down). People talk more about themselves and their own experiences, putting them in a continuous downward cycle.

Conclusion: Talking about one's self can both be a fulfillment of a need and a detrimental reaction to a lack of fulfillment.

Experiment: For one week, I will direct conversation toward the other party as much as I can. I will ask questions, make encouraging comments, and be as interested as possible, but I will only tell stories or talk at any length about my own feelings on the subject if specifically asked. Hopefully, this will be beneficial in several ways: by strengthening my relationships with others, increasing my knowledge of others' experiences and feelings, and helping my discipline my own insecure behaviors. It's like fasting :D

Experiment #1

So, for a week, I did my best to acquaint myself with all those within an accessible circle of influence. This ended in several results...

Results: I met several people, including Tad, Laura, Natalie, and Courtney. As I had suspected, the short time I spent talking to them created for me a connection with them, which led to an heightened awareness of their presence, a deeper desire to get to know them, and an increased attentiveness to their well-being. It made me happy to know that they knew who I was, and even happier when we met again, and in some cases, when they showed a genuine desire for my company. However, I didn't meet quite as many people as I had originally hoped; I found that I know almost everyone in my classes, where I work, and among my friends' friends (that I come into even distant contact with). This made it difficult to even find anyone with whom to begin acquaintance.

Conclusion 1: I like people. Knowing them makes me happy, and them knowing me makes me even happier.

Conclusion 2: I could have been a little braver in my efforts to get to know people.

Conclusion 3: It really isn't awkward to talk to people you don't know; most people are completely fine with a casual conversation, as long as it's done in a laid-back, courteous fashion.

Ideology 1

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

-Albert Einstein


Today, as I walked by hundreds of my fellow students, I thought about what keeps them outside my realm of acquaintance. What would it be like to talk to them? To know them? Our circle of connaisance is so small, especially in terms of our fellow human beings. Apparently, Einstein agrees with me. What is the real difference between those we would die for and those we would feel awkward talking to on the bus? Could it be little more than the frequency and quality of experiences we have shared? Of course there are different levels of compatability, especially at the fore end of relationships, but could it be that we might one day find ourselves loving that classmate as much as our oldest friend?

Mental Experiment: Take the girl who smiled at me embarrassedly when I saw her slip on the ice. I don't know her at all. I have never thought about her, and definitely have never felt any sort of loyalty or friendly affection for her. However, because of that one moment of interaction, I felt like I knew her a little more. She suddenly was human, and not just another face passing me by. She now had feelings and ambitions and thoughts. And they suddenly meant something to me because I had been a part of them for a moment.
Ok, now put us both on a plane that crashes. We are the only two survivors and live on an island for thirty days. We will remember eachother for the rest of our lives. It's possible that we could end up driving each other crazy, but there will always be that connection between us, even after we leave the island.

Conclusion: It is not an individual's attributes that defines our level of consciousness of their selves, but the level of intimacy achieved, and the nature of the part we believe we have played in their lives. We are more likely to remember someone if we believe we are important to them.

Outside Experiment: For a week, I will attempt to make as many new acquaintances/friends as I can, and report on the results, both direct and indirect.